Here's To One Year, Baby

One year ago I had something of an identity crisis. I just officially ended it with my long-time, on-and-off-again boyfriend, was unhappy with the major I had chosen as a senior in high school and didn't know exactly what I was going to do about it all.

I always thought of myself as an "independent" student and woman. I wasn't living at home, was putting myself through college, had a couple of jobs, could provide for myself (most of the time) and was my own person. But after going through a bit of a rough period I wanted to redefine independent. I thought being more successful, in relationships as well as other aspects of my life, meant being self-serving, ultra-casual and detached.

My life was back on track - I was having fun even if I didn't exactly know what I was doing after that semester. I thought about taking a semester off, before transferring to who knows where. I had some ideas, and it was a start.

The force that hit me was totally unexpected. I never saw it coming. Definitely not in the form of a slightly pompous, tan-suit wearing, I-just-graduated, unemployed guy. The last thing I wanted was to complicate my new beginnings with another boyfriend. But this guy made sure I had to put up a fight...and I lost.

The first time we met, he criticized my news sources. That was Tuesday. The second time we hung out he wanted to know if I "pawwed, clawed or took my own" tick-tacks when offered. On Thursday he asked if I was free for a first day the next night. I was flattered!

I should've known the first date he was going to be bad news for me. All he wanted to do was talk...I mean what kind of guy was he? He never made a move, he was intelligent, smart, not awkward, and liked to have fun. More than I could've ever asked for.

The rest is history. We have only spent two days apart since then, so you can imagine that we hit it off pretty well. And now we are getting ready to celebrate our one year anniversary this Saturday. And we have managed to do some pretty unbelieveable stuff in a mere 12 months.

After two months he asked me to accompany him to Lebanon. It was a bit unexpected but it wasn't contrary to the goals I had set for myself. It was more of a chance of a lifetime than a sacrifice. So we worked hard, saved all the money we could, and prepared to travel the Middle East.

My previous blog entries have detailed our trip thus far, so I needn't go into the details of the trip other than it has been a wonderful experience. This blog is about Alex and all the things he has done for me over the past year.

If you talk to him he will tell you that I am the one carrying the weight of the relationship. He brings home the bacon, and I am the one making a home - cooking, cleaning, and contributing in every way that I can. Rarely will he toot his own horn, so I'm going to do it.

My fiance is a great provider, in more ways than one. True, he doesn't cook much, but he really tries to do some of the meals and he always cleans up afterward. He always makes sure we are eating on a clean table and that the room looks nice. True, he likes to save all the money he can almost to the point of being stingy, but he spends so much money on making sure that we travel and really enjoy ourselves. He makes sure that I have everything I need, and more. He is a gracious human being, and doesn't give a second thought to picking up the tab for friends, or getting a nice gift for the ones we care about.

Although i don't like to show it sometimes, just so I keep getting spoiled, he is really considerate of my goals and desires. He is caring, thoughtful, and he loves me so much. This year I have felt so alive. He has helped me think through my concerns, and I know where I want to go in life. And much more, he is respectful of my personal goals. I have retained my independency while being in a healthy relationship. Anything I desire or want to accomplish with my life is something Alex takes personally, and makes sure I have the opportunity to act on it.

So, Alex, here's to us on our one year. You have made me so happy, and I am looking forward to the next year. We are starting to build a life together. We both want good jobs, a nice family, nice things, and just to be happy. I know you will give me all those things and more. Your mother is so proud of you, and your family loves you so much, and I know why. It's not hard to see - you are truly one of the world's finest. Now we just have to work on your etiquette with service drivers. I love you so much. Here's to one year, baby.

Laptop Revival

A dying laptop can be really annoying. For the past month our internet time has been really limited and unproductive because our universities laptops, which we had to pay outrageous fees for, couldn't handle two years of usage. We initially wanted to wait to buy our next laptop until we were back in America; our IBM thinkpad thought otherwise.

Constant bluescreening and random shut-downs severely hampered any blogging, research, and emailing. We might as well have fallen off the face of the earth, since we also rely on it to keep in contact with employers and friends in Lebanon. Needless to say, it was a pretty hectic last couple of weeks.

However, Alex and I were able to find and buy an amazing laptop. We had almost given up after a week or so of asking around and walking into shops to make inquiries on selection and prices. We actually went across town to a mall that some people had recommended, but it bore no fruit. There we ran into one of my co-workers and he turned out to be our savior. We, of course, had to buy him a little gift for being so helpful - a cute little bag of chocolates.

So now I am back to being in touch with the outside world - it feels wonderful. Moreover, our new laptop exceeds my expectations. We bought an HP Pavillion with Microsoft Vista operating system. Vista has had bad reviews from some of my friends, but I am in love with it. Its so efficient, and esthetically pleasing. And our HP laptop is great. The features are user-friendly, which is a big plus. Of course, it is brand new so that may be why everything seems so great. Only time will tell how long this will last.

Last weekend, Alex and I were able to have dinner in the mountains with a friend. We went to a restaurant that was in the middle of nowhere - it took us a couple of times to find the street that it was on. It was an Arabic restaurant called Fadal. It was on the edge of a hill overlooking all of Beirut, the view was gorgeous. The food was almost as good as the view, and the company was equally as enjoyable.

The best part, however, was how brisk it was up in the mountains. Since being here there has been no rain - except a few drops one night - and it is not even close to being chilly. The weather has been more bearable, but it has been hard to adjust. For twenty years my body was used to one weather schedule, which was for the most part consistent. Now, it's almost November and my body had no idea what is going on. This has been the longest summer of my life and its still not over.

As for daily life, we have been falling into a good schedule. Alex is now writing for the media organization that I work for - so we are working together in the mornings. He also picked up an internship at The Executive, a business magazine much like The Economist. He is really busy, much more so than I, but it is a great learning experience for the both of us. Now I just have work in the morning and then I have the whole afternoon to myself to get things done - study, exercise, socialize, etc - until Alex and I have class in the evening.

Our weekends have been just as busy as our weeks. We are really taking initiative to explore Lebanon and meet new people. This past weekend we had two parties and a dinner, this coming up weekend we are attending a Halloween party and may be hanging out with some other friends. It is great how much we are doing. Of course, we have met a big ex-pat community but we are trying to befriend more Lebanese and other Arab people. So far, so good.

Working and going out is a lot of fun, but I have found myself getting restless. I love the international experience and really enjoying our stay here, but I miss school. I can't wait to get back to my studies and apply what I have learned here to it. This is really benefiting me and I am opening myself to many opportunities. But I know that my most important objective right now is to finish school. I will be doing that as soon as I get back to the states, but in the meantime I miss it. Classes used to take up a large portion of my time and I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it until now. Soon enough, I guess. Once I've started again I'll probably regret this blog, haha.

Speaking of the states, we have met many Americans who have no desire to return to America. Some have been young people, usually still students, and some older who are working. Of course I have my own criticisms of the country, but it seems baffling to me that these people never ever want to go back. I love adventure and traveling and experiencing new things - but never go back to the states? It never even occurred to me.

It may be that I have very selfish reasons for being here, and I am not traveling for altruistic reasons. I didn't come to work in refugee camps or work with an NGO for women's rights. Instead I'm here just to experience and enjoy a new place and then come back with more on my resume to make myself more marketable. Maybe this is why I don't understand where the ex-pats we met are coming from.

So far living here has just increased our appreciation of life in America. Everything takes four times longer to get done here - grocery shopping, clothes shopping, traveling - and it is just frustrating. Living in America is just convenient. Someone told us that we would get addicted to the lifestyle here, but I doubt it. Of course, there is nothing wrong with the culture and the differing qualities with Lebanon. I am enjoying being here. But going back to America is going to be a breath of fresh air. I like convenience, efficiency, urban sprawl, and the liberal lifestyle of Americans and I miss it.

And to finish off, I want to do a little praising of my fiancee. He officially proposed to me last week and I said yes. Of course we won't be taking any vows for a couple of years, but it is official. I don't think anyone will be very surprised, haha.

Our first couple of months here were pretty rocky. You really get to know a person when you are both in a very foreign place and have no one to vent your frustrations to except each other. Although we lived together for a while before moving to Lebanon, we didn't expect the high tensions we experienced here. We managed to survive as individuals, and as a couple.

Never before have I met someone so encouraging and giving. He has really helped me to take hold of this opportunity and cultivate it into something unforgettable. I feel like I am doing what some would kill for, and he really made it possible. I would never have done it on my own - at least not to this extent.

Now that we have a great computer I will be trying to blog more often.