Let It Be

Although I took far too long getting around to updating my blog, I am finally doing one stateside. For those of you I haven't had the chance to speak to, we are safely in Washington DC and slowly on our way to being fully settled. Alex and I returned a little over 3 weeks ago and it has proven to be a tumultuous return. We will get to that.

I must apologize for my neglect to blog about the rest of our European backpacking adventure. Suffice it to say that those three weeks in 5 different countries was an absolutely priceless experience (although the euro had its way with our wallets). Paris was by far one of the most beautiful and exciting places I have been, and our hosts, Kevin and Fabrice, were fabulously wonderful. They showed us endless hospitality, and I will always be grateful to them for it. I hope to scatter the blogs following this one with stories of Europe - so tune in.

Onto the present. The title of this blog is - yes, you guessed it - after the soothing Beatles song. If you haven't heard it, please find it on the world wide web and inform yourself. The theme of the song only has a small role to play in this blog, instead it represents my mood. As I made dinner I couldn't stop thinking about this song. I just had to hear it. Maybe I'm lying - maybe it has everything to do with this blog.

Ok, I need to stop being so....vague. The situation in DC is a bit different than I imagined it. Especially after the few days of media coverage on the political situation in Lebanon, I am beyond happy to be back in America in one piece. In the fall I will be attending the university that was on top of my list, in order to finish my undergraduate degree. My internship is interesting and, as long as take advantage, shows plenty of opportunities for me to move upward.

You would think I couldn't be happier. But reality has reared her disgustingly ugly head and Alex and I are at her beck and call. I know we have nowhere to move but up, but there seems to be 4 rungs missing in the ladder and we have no tools to fix the problem.

So many things Alex and I thought would present no challenges have proven to be the most difficult tasks to accomplish. We got lucky by finding a place to live a couple months in the DC area. Alex knew a guy who knew a guy...you know the story. We have until August 1st here, and we are desperately looking for a nice apartment to call our own after our sublet expires.

Since Alex has a full-time and part-time position, I am tasked with the job of everything else. Of course I don't mind, it's the least I can do. Alex likes being the bread-winner - how can I take that dignity away from him? I am in charge of logistics - errands, dinner, laundry (and other such duties that fall into this category) and most recently, apartment searching.

The former has proven to be the barbed wired fence for Alex and I. New York (not to mention apartments overseas) was a bit more casual was a bit more lax in this respect, and so we were not expecting the obstacles we've encountered. Alex and I are, across the board, unable to find a nice apartment in a good location due to extremely inflexible leasing contracts.

Across the board, apartments in DC require that occupants prove they are making four times the amount of rent per year. Usually this cannot be a combined total, meaning Alex alone must make more than 3 times the price of rent per year. I would average the cost of an ok apartment in an ok location at about $1500 per month. Let's do the math together. $1500 times 12 equals $18,000. And $18,000 multiplied by 3 is $54,000.

How can a 21 and 23 year old couple prove that just one of them makes $54,000? I realized something like this may be a problem and I had a few tricks up my sleeves. I asked: Can we override the salary requirements with a substantial savings/checking account? Can we put in an application and put the apartment on hold since Alex and I are waiting on calls from places we interviewed at?

Unfortunately, they were all pretty adamant about sticking to their policies. And so we are left in the dust, one apartment viewing after another. Every time they try and console us with talk of the possibility of a cosigner...haha. Anyone who knows us, knows that is just a laughing matter.

I guess it wouldn't be so damn frustrating if the DC job market wasn't so tight. I just had to move across the world to get a few plush internships and jobs. I made money just being American. And now I'm up against thousands of others like me...according to my resume, I'm a dime a dozen.

Funnily enough, someone said something to me this past Friday that hit on this exactly. At the Friday after-hours gathering the organization I intern for holds, an employee for the private military company MPRI came to join us. As a joke I tried to leverage my organization's close relationship with the company into a job interview. He jokingly replied, "What do you have to offer MRPI?" Goodheartedly, I started to describe my overseas adventures. To which he replied, "Well, we all have that."

And in a sense he is right. I don't doubt that going overseas was a unique experience in the broad range of being an American. But in places like New York and DC, I am one among the thousands who are excited to take life by storm. So what do I have to offer the world? Guess I'll spend the next year trying to find my niche.

How does one go from traveling the world, finding it easy to adapt to different cultures and environments, working with some of the most recognized institutions in the MENA region to struggling in the workplace and living conditions in her native country? It's not a lack of confidence. Believe me, when I ask the Fortune Gods to let me through the golden gates of success I ask with a hearty and strong "please"...and the answer has so far been a resounding "no".

I think I may be so bold as to say that I understand adults, who I always chalked up to losers, that say they never have time for certain things, or they don't know where all the time went. Working a 9-5 has been an eye-opener. This is my first white collar job, and I applaud those who are able to break into the white collar job market and maintain it. And the saints who go one step further and create families (functional is optimal) should be eligible for the Nobel Peace Prize.

I don't mean to make this blog into a sob story. In fact, that is quite the opposite of my intention. Of course obstacles are a part of life, and in a few months I'm sure this will be all finished and gone. Yes all of this is on my plate right now, and I would rather not have to deal with it, but just today I realized that it is only driving me.

I know many who would use this as the perfect excuse to quit. My situation isn't even anywhere near rock bottom, but a lot of people would go the easy route. They would settle. But I didn't leave my hometown in Missouri to quit now. I didn't work at a retail store during the first two years of university to pay the rent and have food on the table, and have nothing to show for it. I didn't go overseas to party for a year. I have a goal, and it will be seen. Alex has plans for his life, and we have plans for our life together - we are not going to stop now.

This emotional rhetoric may seem contrary to the message of the song, "Let It Be". A good friend once told me he hated this Beatles song because of the message, but I have to disagree. In times of trouble, you sometimes have to realize that there is a reason and rhyme for things. To let your emotions dictate your actions, especially in hard times, can have bad results. The song is not about giving up, or settling.

No, not at all. One has to realize that the circumstances will change. The winds will blow a different song, and things will always work out as long as you listen. In the meantime, realize that the answer may not be clear at first but, in the words of the Beatles, "Up there will be an answer." Up there is different for everyone - a God, perserverence, knowledge, time.

My favorite lyric is by far, "When the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be." And that's what keeps me going. Regardless of the situations Alex and I face, I am still the enthusiaist I set out as. But it takes an unGodly amount of effort. Those who have tried know that patience and reason truly take work to put into practice and the Beatles captured that idea beautifully in their song.